|Nine of Swords|
Sometimes, even if nothing particularly challenging is going on in my life, I just find myself in a state of overwhelm. Worrying about all those who are starving and suffering, worrying about the fragility of the environment, and then all the little personal worries about friends and things I must do or ought to do - never mind those I want to do!
Looked at from this perspective it is not surprising I want to give up and feel this world is just too hard a place to be and care about. But yesterday I did a Binaural Beats meditation and realised I simply did not need to carry all of this.
I could let it go, surrender it, hand it over to the countless angelic and divine beings who throng this world pouring down love and healing and just waiting to be asked to help.
I realised that all I had to do was to follow my own path through the forest - I didn't have to hold the whole forest or everyone else's paths. I could let that go - let the forest go - that weight I had been taking on without clearly realising it. Let others take care of their own journeys, let the immensely wise and compassionate beings take care of the whole and just follow on my little path threading its way through the trees - just following my guidance - all I needed to focus on was my Higher Self's answer to the question: What do I need to do now?
During the meditation I visualised handing over all the baggage and worry I had been holding onto - huge great leather bags of it. And when I reached the end of the day, feeling somewhat weary, and heard myself saying the usual 'I give up' - I had a realisation. Might it not be better to say instead: I let go!
So my new mantra is: I let go - I let go - I let go. Of course some discernment is needed here. Some things are mine to carry, to struggle with, to take responsibility for - but that will be clear if I follow my path. I also need to be aware when the desire to let go is actually the desire to avoid dealing with a challenge or connecting to my feelings. For example instead of letting go of someone's unacceptable behaviour I might need to create a boundary. Instead of avoiding painful emotions, I might need to let go of my fear of feeling.
As I have gone through my day using this new mantra - I let go - I've also been aware of old memories surfacing that carry with them anger I am still holding, old blame and resentment, grudges held onto, guilt that is a form of self-punishment - and saying letting go to these feels fantastic, like I am freeing myself and in their place a feeling of joy is growing. How much have I held onto that I am no longer aware of? Grudges that go back to early school days and before that? What unnecessary weight.
Perhaps you might also try out this mantra - letting go - instead of giving up - and see what old long forgotten energies and memories start queueing up so you can let them go into the light - drawn by your new mantra - just as earthbound spirits are often drawn to those who are aware of them and know how to show them to the light.